What horse will win this year's Preakness?
- One of my former private school roommates I think owns a few of the hopefuls. I'll go with one of those.
- Depends on who I'm riding.
- There's a horse race?
- I have inside information that the Kentucky Derby winner will win by 3 1/4 lengths
What will you be drinking?
- It's Miller time.
- I'll be clutching the same watery Jack and Coke for several hours.
- Water before the race, champagne after.
- Black-Eyed Susans are all the rage at Preakness, but after one or two, I prefer Bombay and tonics, with two limes.
Do you still miss Kegasus?
- As much as I love paying bills.
- Centaurs are an abomination. His shirtlessness made me uncomfortable.
- I've always preferred my horses with actual horse heads.
- I'll pour one out of my fallen homie before I get there.
What band are you coming to see?
- It'll be a little hard to hear when I'm going 40 miles per hour.
- Lorde is cool — for a goth chick or whatever.
- Three-to-one odds Switchfoot lip-syncs some portion of its set.
- Have you heard the bugler between races? So traditional.
How will you get there?
- 1979 Gremlin.
- Taxi from Fed Hill.
- Our driver.
- Atop my steed.
Will this be your first Preakness?
- My husband Wilfred and I have attended every Preakness for the past 10 years, though we rarely stay for, you know, the race.
- Bro, I was in the running of the urinals back in the day. Don't talk to me about Preakness.
- (Nervous laugh)
- Nah, I've ridden in a few over the years.
Where will you party after this?
- The stables.
- Drowning my sorrows at the grandstand bar.
- We're retiring to the country house to freshen up, and then we have reservations at Cinghiale but, ugh, city traffic.
- Taxi back to Fed Hill.
Celebrity you most want to see at Preakness?
- Whoever wins the race.
- I've always admired Stephanie Rawlings-Blake's impeccable hairstyles.
- Whoever wins the bikini contest. That counts as a celebrity, right?
- The horse that played Seabiscuit in "Seabiscuit." I like saying Seabiscuit as many times as possible in a day.
Where did the name Preakness come from?
- What? Sorry, I was distracted by that woman's cheap hat.
- The odds of me knowing that are 100-1.
- It was the name of the first horse who won the race. Come on.
- A better question is where the slogan "Get Your Preak On" come from? That was genius.
To you, a Black-Eyed Susan is…
- Too much money.
- That's what we call clumsy drunk sorority girls who run into the bar door.
- Something that's meant to be sipped demurely.